Cause some days stay gold forever: September 2015

Hello.

You know there are days when you start daydreaming about your fairy-tale wedding out of the blue? You fantasize about the wedding theme and its decorations, your looks for the day, the lunch spread for the guests, the little things such as the gift trays, berkat, invitations cards and so on. And then you begin imagining how your dresses will turn out - its colours, designs and embroideries. Well today is not only about all that. I decided to list the things that M and I need to prepare for the wedding.

Oh the wedding date you asked? It's not finalized but tentatively, it will be on a Saturday, 28th January 2017. And yes bingo, you are right! It is also the day when I turn 24. I didn't propose this date. My mum did. But I'm not entirely against it because we are trying to hold the wedding within the first half of 2017 and we're also trying to avoid certain dates such as public and school holidays, where people generally will take the opportunity to travel. So my birthday sounds goooood since I get the bestestestest present I could ever wish for! A husband :D InshaAllah.

Okay, back to the list. Here is what I think should be included in the list. From time to time, the list will be altered and updated. In no order of importance, here we go ~

1) Wedding preparation course

2) Nikah Official or Tok Kadi

3) Venue: Void deck, CC, Restaurant

4) Food menu & caterer (This includes going for food-tasting)

5) Outfits for bride and groom

6) Outfits for bridesmaids and bestmen

7) Outfits for relatives

8) Gift trays or dulang/hantaran

9) Guests gifts or Berkat

10) Photographer and Videographer

11) Invitation cards (Wedding guests' list)

12) Make up - make up artist(s)

13) Henna - Henna Night, Henna artist(s)

14) Wedding dais and decorations

15) Hand bouquets

16) Shoes and Heels

17) Kompang

18) Bunga Mangga

19) Music/ Nasyid

20) Bride and groom's car (if two receptions are held concurrently)

21) Photo Booth

22) Honeymoon destination(s)

I still think the list is not complete. Anything, I'll update it again. Bye! :3

Salam all! May all of you be in good health.

Just by the reading the title post, I think you know what this entry is all about. But just a disclaimer, I did not come out with the quirky hashtag. It was birthed by accident and the story behind it was awkwardly funny. But then again, what is NOT funny to my friends right.......

Thank you girls for coming to grace my special day. All of you looked lovely!

So alhamdulillah, this is the first day of having a fiance and being a fiancee to someone. Honestly, the thought of it has not fully sunken in and it still crosses my mind every now and then. Like "Wow I have a fiance now. Like whaaaaat??" and "I am actually really, really getting married...." Those kind of thoughts still occupy my mind. Earlier today, my friends have also asked what it feels like being engaged. To be frank, there is not much of a difference. I feel the same as I was before. I don't know if I should be feeling any different. Well yes, I have an addition to my (not so big) collection of rings but it felt like nothing has changed, mentally and emotionally. I love M the same yet I'm still not yet halal for him. So what differences are there?

By the way, here is the ring. Lawa kan? M chose it and we were fortunate that it was just nice for my ring finger when we went on another day to try it. ( err, you know just in case tak muat ke ape...)

Anyway back to the changes, who knows maybe along the way, I will learn and realize that there bound to be some, if not many, changes. There will be more responsibilities and things to ponder about and I will probably need to readjust my state of mind and actions and behave according to the status that has been prescribed. Then, I will know and reflect on these changes and how different I and the circumstances were since I got engaged. I hope to see a positive change in myself and how people see me. I am not gonna lie to go on saying that I am not happy or blessed. I really am. I will be planning for my wedding and then I'll be having two new parents, a new sister and many more people to love. It's exciting mashaAllah but scary just by thinking of it. What if I cannot get along with them? What if they don't like me? What if I fall below their expectations? What if they realized I am not what they think I am. Just like the Malay saying, 'Indah khabar dari rupa'. Haha, the never-ending what ifs....lol. Despite all, I have to embrace everything that will happen whether I am prepared or not.

So here is a gist of what happened yesterday.

Prior to yesterday's event, there were so many things to do. My family and I ran errands after errands and I almost forgot what it's like to feel tired because I was practically on my feet the whole time. My schedule used to be free but of the late, it's been packed with a list of things to complete. There were gift tray decorations to be done, spring cleaning to do and it included driving to Tampines Giant, Ikea and Courts to get our resources. On the morning of the actual day, I woke up as early as 7am just to get going before guests started arriving. Bear in mind, I only had a 4 to 5 hours of sleep the night before and I was already drained running around since Wednesday. Luckily and thank Allah, a distant relative offered to cook the main dishes for the day and that already was a huge gesture my entire family is truly grateful for. We didn't need to worry about food and could channel our focus and energy on other things. At last, my relatives that came over brought along food items which added to be an abundance and a variety for everyone.

By 3pm, in the midst of getting myself ready, my relatives began arriving and I began panicking because I had not put on my outfit. So I quickly applied some make-up with attempts to hide my scars and dark circles, wore the outfit and styled my hijab. Oh, and I am proud to say that I did my make-up myself. It's pretty decent considering the amateur level I am at. Also, I thought I wouldn't be holding any hand bouquets for my engagement because my mom was not really keen on the idea of having one. But my aunt sneakily surprised me with one and I got to say I super loved loved it as it complemented my dress! Although it was a simple one with red roses surrounded by baby's breath. I totally loved it! Plus, my mom could not do anything about it and she accepted it anyway in the end hehe.

My gift trays for M were delicately arranged on my bed. The color theme was basically different shades of blue and cream. I had put in many weeks of effort into finding the right materials, making and decorating them and I think I really did a good job, at least with the help of my talented aunt. The pink labels were customized by Aisyah and I. It was the only pink thing about the trays and I think they looked outstanding. Aiseh, puji diri sendiri lol. So in total, I had about 9 trays of food items for his side. They were mostly sweet treats such as cakes, cupcakes, brownies, two baskets full of fruits and assorted chocolates, cookies, egg tarts, tiramisu and shepherd's pie. The last three were homemade by my mom while the brownie tower was made by Aisyah. I am so proud of her even though she thought it was the ugliest among the items. Padehal lawa gila lah. Apa aja.

Around 5pm, M's side arrived and the discussion between both sides commenced. The wedding date was roughly set (2 years) and the exchanges of gifts took place. Also, like any other Malay engagements, the female relatives of the guy's side will come into the room to have a look and present the ring to the girl. As per normal, greetings were exchanged and pictures were taken. I was delighted to have met new faces whom I know I won't be seeing for the last time. But far from usual, I did not get to experience or be given the opportunity to have someone from his side to sarung cincin for me. I knew it was going to happen weeks before and had many times convince and prepare myself for it but I still couldn't masked my disappointment. If that was not sad enough, my aunts who weren't aware of what was going to happen, blatantly asked, "EH tak sarung cincin?" "Maisarah! Tak sarung cincin?" How was I going to answer that? The puzzled faces of many at that moment got to me so bad that I had no choice but to pretend I didn't hear and looked down. To be honest, I was upset and have been trying to suppress that emotion for a long time as I really wanted to feel what it was like to have the ring put in by his female relative. I see it as part of the formalities but I guess they don't see it the same way.

I am just glad that it is over. Biar lah orang nak kata apa. I cannot have everything done my way and neither can I have them all within my control. As much as the thoughts of not being able to experience it (along with other things that will an will not happen in the future still bothers me even till today and I know it will for some time), I have to put aside my views and opinions. It feels like they don't matter sometimes. Many a times decisions were made against my will but I reluctantly agree because it is what others wanted. Kekadang, orang kata kenapa weak sangat? Cakap je lah what you feel...blah blah. It is not that I've not spoken my share but I did and have been chided at like it was unworthy and had no value. People don't know what I deeply feel inside and I must admit, I have cried myself to sleep thinking about it. Then again, there are people to please and I am still learning to place their feelings before myself. It is about time I be selfless.

Nevertheless, the rest of the event proceeded smoothly. There are many people whom I need to thank but I don't think I should do it here. I will do so personally. But a huge shout out to my every single member of my family! Thank you thank you thank you for helping and contributing in every way you did. Especially to my parents, urghhhhh my thank yous for you both will never be enough. *cues tears* I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH. Nanti datang masa, kakak belanje k? <3 And for all of you who had wished me, I just want to say that I appreciate every single wish and heartfelt congratulations. It was nice knowing people, even acquaintances, still took the time to convey their best wishes for me and they have definitely put a smile on my face. The next step of my journey will be a challenging one but I am looking forward to it. Come what may, I will go through it with courage and strength. May Allah ease my affairs and keep me in your prayers. Andai tersilap kata, maafkan ye :)

I will end this entry with some pictures. Assalamualaikum!