Melancholy Month

Salam dearies,

I see myself as a positive person most of the time, choosing to harbour happy thoughts and be carefree but halfway through this April, many unfortunate events have occurred which had me feeling crestfallen. I experienced a terrible breakdown last night and woke up with extreme puffy eyes today. That called for heavy eye make-up lol! (But it was still visible la) Here is a series of events that made me caved in to my innermost emotions.

Firstly, a big fight with my sister (over some reasons) caused us to not be on speaking terms. The person whom I tell my everything to is no longer there to share jokes, laughter and sadness with. I don't know why neither of us have the guts to seek apology from the other. Is it our egos holding us back? What is so hard about apologizing? Nevertheless, I hope we will reconcile soon...Not talking to her everyday is slowly getting to me :(

Secondly, I lost my ezlink card, in school I think. I hate losing things, especially those that are of great importance to me. I depend on that thing all the time! Plus, I am on concession fares so imagine the value I lost in total. I have made a report to NUS's lost and found but I have yet to hear any news. No news anytime soon calls for a new card = more $$!!!

Last of all, I failed my TP. It was my first try. THIS IS THE NEWS THAT MADE ME TEAR THE HARDEST. The scenario of that costly mistake that caused me to immediately fail keeps repeating in my head and how I wish so hard I could have avoided it. I have disappointed a lot of people, and especially myself. Re-booking means more $$ for extra driving lessons and the TP fees itself. Should I give it another try? I really want to start driving for goodness' sake!

Okay well, these are not the only things that made me fall bad yesternight and reflect. Again and again, I tell myself there is a silver lining behind all. It could be Allah telling me, "Laa tahzan. I have better plans for you." In Malay, they say, "Ada hikmah disebalik segala sesuatu." I hold on to that very strongly and therefore, I tell myself not to be so gravely affected. This issues are matters of the dunya that is nothing compared to the things concerning the afterlife.

And that is the secret of this world. If you remove love of dunya from your heart, the dunya is yours for the taking. You can have the dunya because it’s in your hand and not in your heart” Sh. Hamza Yusuf. 
So "O Allah, please place the matters of dunya in my hands, and not my heart. Amin."

And with that, I pray hard for brighter and pleasant days ahead, inshaAllah kheir! Also, bittaufik wannajah and all the best to my uni friends who will be sitting for the finals soon :)

Lots of love, Mai.